the future ponder.

I’ve been doing more focused thinking for the last couple weeks about my future and where I see it going. To be totally honest here, I’ve no one interest or love that is high above the rest. I enjoy versatility and the ability to move around. Community college was great because each Associate Degree that I received was a two-year commitment. The four years that I was at community college, other than the two degrees, I was most involved in Phi Theta Kappa, the international honor society for two-year colleges at both the school (chapter) and the state (regional) level. I was also involved in Program Board, a group of work-study students that were in charge of most free events on campus in the form creating some new events, then promoting and working them. I miss presenting educational sessions as well as running conferences. I also miss being in charge of + running our biannual induction ceremonies, including actually inducting the new members.

At that same time in community college, I worked at a public library in the children’s department. I shelved books, helped with seasonal reading programs, as well as helped with physical planning and moving of the book + audiovisual collections within the department. I also volunteered in the technology department at that library to help process books and other materials. By processing I mean from the physical point of adding plastic book jackets over the book covers, writing/printing/applying the spine labels to the books, changing the materials’ status in our online card catalogue and really anything else that was needed done.

The rest of my time was spent attending concerts and performances, watching as many films as I could, reading as many books as possible, writing, taking photos, expressing myself via art and stopping by various departments in the library + at my school to chat with people. I once thought myself something close to a Renaissance man; the skills in multiple areas based on interests, passions and life lessons. I was highly imaginative + not focused on where these interests, skills or connections would take me in life; I focused on the here and now, having learned multiple times not to plan for the future that may never come.

I’ve always had the: pleasure of thinking all the time, need to help others + build connections to those above me, need to give every task my all, need to prove myself, want to make my motina + brolis proud, intense fascination with psychology + the mind/memories in general, as well as the personality to be what people needed, especially in the form of listener + problem solver.

Moving out to the MO changed a lot of that for me. There were not organizations that I had been involved with in the past nor any new ones that I wanted to join. I was in a new environment that I had no knowledge with and I had a totally different mindset than many of the people that I first met at school here. My focus was my education, as the loans had begun as soon as I moved out here, I knew that I had to push hard through all that I didn’t know or understand; it HAD to work or I go back as a failure in the eyes of many individuals. It has been a hard last three years for me, but I have learned things about design, life and myself that I didn’t know before.

Since I’ve been out here, my interests in travel, music, movies, stories and connecting with others has hit an all time high. Digital and interactive design in the form of altered reality or futuristic technologies is still immensely fascinating for me; I grew up and am still a fan of Sci-Fi movies + TV shows. Although most of my personal growth happened while in community college, I have grown more as an individual since I’ve been out here. I’ve also missed some moments of my community college life that I don’t fully know if it is out of the lack of the activity or interactions that used to be part of a daily routine or if it is an actual missing part of me. There are multiple subject areas that I still want to learn and question if that should be put above a career at this point. I also still don’t think that I have fully found who I am yet and have been pushing around the idea of going off the grid and experiencing the world. My logical side likes to come in and debate the next step of my life, but I have been wondering if now is the time to step away from logics + give into the unknown.